Ya Tuhan

 

The day is the fear that I have imagined all this time, I always pray, O Allah, smooth my fortune so that I can provide the best treatment for my father because when my mother was sick until she died, I as a child could not give the best because I lacked everything, but in reality until the moment I feared happened I was still like before, helpless and unable to do much, do you know, O Allah, that it is truly very painful, sad, disappointed, sick, hateful, angry, all become one, I cannot describe my feelings, O Allah why, why, what other prayers... will I forever be just a useless loser... the path I have chosen is truly steep, although I remain convinced that there is something beautiful at the end of this road.

 Oh God, how long will I have to go through all this, why does it seem like luck is not on my side, what did I do wrong, oh God, have my sins become so black in my heart that my little prayers for happiness in life are covered up? Oh God, is your servant not worthy of a little happiness, because of my sins, answer me, oh God, answer all my questions, are you disgusted to hear the prayers of your servant who is full of sins so that you are reluctant to grant them, and like the previous days, the questions have not been answered, who knows until when... forgive your servant